Image credit: Thefader.com
I have never wanted to be myself more than I’ve wanted to be right now at this moment in my life. I had role models growing up, until I figured out my role models had nothing but a bad eye out for me. I felt like they enjoyed watching and listening to me fail. I was so angry when I found that out, when I discovered the truth. My mother had been asked to give me away so that I could have a better life, as if she couldn’t provide the education and mental stimulation I needed. My mother was never perfect but she is my mother and she has always done what needed to be done for us. No home would have been more perfect than the home she gave me. Being a Latina, this is all pretty typical but that is something to write for another time.
Of course, you always have people you look up to and after my role models true colors were revealed I had no one. I promised myself to look up to no one but myself but sometimes you need to look at others and appreciate them and their qualities to mold yourself into who you want to be. There are certain people I see on my instagram that I would like to be like. I want to be savagely skilled at sewing like @tabithasewer and @joybelladesigns. I want to be a hard worker while keeping my craft and my family balanced like my good ig friend @ellesewot and I want to have fun while doing the things I love like another one of my good ig friends @Notorious_bexx. Last but not least i want to chase my dreams like @mscyann. But my biggest role model is the unlikeliest of heroes. He may be the complete opposite of someone you would think I’d look up to but he has been blossoming into the person I want to be most like.
Everytime I think of this, it bring tears to my eyes that someone so similar to me can be so big in the world today. He is a 24 year old Puerto Rican man that came from a modest town in PR. He has a ton of charisma and kills every piece of work he touches. His style is unparalleled and he just doesn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks of him. He paints his nails and the “gay” jokes about him don’t even phase him. He doesn’t give a crap what anyone says about him because he is confident in his skin, there is no breaking him with your words; yet, he has a heart of gold. He is shy at interviews and folds at the sight of bunnies. He cares about the simple things in life like his middle school friends (in my opinion where you make your lifelong friends). He has mentioned that he has struggled with mental distress and even though his raps can go hard, he has no issue letting us know that as long as his mom gives him her blessing that he is 100% good. He took it upon himself during hurricane Maria to help those in his town of Vega Baja, Puerto Rico with his own money. He knows that he is in the sweetest place right now but does not deny his growth while also remembering where he came from.
In a recent article he said, that he knows his fame will eventually lead to loneliness from doing the big amounts of work he will be putting in. He is rapidly “blowing up” but he does not hesitate to slow down to enjoy what he has right now. I know he will make adjustments as he gets bigger and his dream of being a singer elevate to new heights.
I want to be like him, not in the sense of fame but in the sense that I’m so in tune with myself that I know what I want and I go out and get it. I want to be like him in being able to appreciate where I am in life now without worrying about the past and without worrying about the future, knowing what may be in-store, but not letting it determine who I am RIGHT NOW. I want to not give a shit what people like and go after what I want no matter who tries to hold me back and who has something to say. I want to be like him by breaking out of my comfort zone and killing my goals.
Yes, I want to be like the Latin trap singer Bad Bunny. Everytime I see his IG posts of him doing some silly pose or of the new design on his nails, my heart skips a beat. Not because I am fangirling but because I feel like he is my alter ego living outside of my body in another universe and I’m sitting here watching. He’s younger than I by 5 years but he has become so influential and important for me to see and I love him for that. I may never meet him and he may never read this but I just had to put this out there. Thank you Bad Bunny for showing the world that being who you want to be is not unattainable. That being you is what will elevate your heart and your mind. In a world of so many people trying to be the same, you stick out like a sore thumb and it is incredibly beautiful. Thank you for giving me the role model this “old lady” needed. It also helps me 100% that you are Puerto Rican, just like me. I may not have been born there but I was raised as if I were, and my heart belongs to the island just like yours. Thank you.