Note to Self: I Forgive You

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If you follow my Facebook, you may have noticed the post yesterday about forgiveness. I mentioned how you don’t have to forgive like everyone says to live a healthy happy life. I also mentioned that acceptance of the things you cannot change and allowing yourself to move on is basically a way of forgiving yourself, also that communicating that to the person that made you feel a certain way can be just as freeing as forgiving is.

This post is not a post on preaching about how you should forgive everyone that does you wrong because it makes you feel better. It is far from that, you DON’T have to forgive and NOT forgiving does NOT mean you are holding a grudge. There is ONE person, however, that you should ALWAYS work with to forgive and that is YOURSELF, because we always beat ourselves up for the things we could not handle at a certain point in our lives or the things we were not meant to be a part of or the things that don’t work out. This post is a letter to MYSELF and I will encourage any one that would like to join in to do so in the comments below or on my Facebook post from yesterday. Forgiving is a process and sometimes it can be painful but repetition of forgiving yourself should be a habit we get into because we are not perfect, nor will we ever be WE should be allowed to make mistakes, big and small. We should be able to fail and try again. We should be able to not know what we want to do with our lives and take our times to figure it out and we should be able to live our lives in the order that we so choose. With this I am going to list the things I forgive MYSELF for.

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Dear Andrea,

I forgive you for always thinking you need to be perfect.

I forgive you for always thinking you need to be strong and not letting yourself show emotion.

I forgive you for all the times things were not okay and you went out and pretended everything was okay

I forgive you for being discouraged when you couldn’t attend your dream school

I forgive you for taking “forever” to figure yourself out and feeling like you failed not only yourself but your children and everyone around you.

I forgive you for “looking up to” and “Wanting to be like” people that were never that great to begin with.

I forgive you for feeling like what you felt was wrong even though you should have just let yourself feel it.

I forgive you for not being able to say “no” to people at one point in your life.

I forgive you for becoming and empty vessel for a long time in your life.

I forgive you for saying you hate yourself for things you tried to change but couldn’t

I forgive you for your failures

I forgive you for any harm you have ever done to yourself physically, mentally and emotionally.

I forgive you for saying “why do I even try” and thinking you weren’t worth the effort.

I forgive you for taking blame for other people’s actions and even thinking for a second that you deserved or were asking for any of it.

I forgive you for any days you just felt like wasting away in bed.

I forgive you for starving yourself when you felt alone and like you didn’t matter.

I forgive you for ever feeling ugly even though you know deep down you have the potential to be the most beautiful person ever despite your outward appearance.

I forgive you for thinking your outward appearance was the only thing that mattered.

I forgive you for hiding yourself because you didn’t look like everyone else or feeling ashamed of certain features you have.

I forgive you for all the negative talk you have ever said to yourself in your time of anger and frustration for yourself.

I forgive you for all the bad times you fell upon that weren’t your fault.

I forgive you for getting lazy, a lot and probably not working as hard as you know you can.

I forgive you for letting people get the best of your mental stability.

I forgive you for putting yourself in to position to help people who betrayed you before, but you decided to help again knowing they would do the same thing to you again and then feeling like it was your fault you ended up there.

I forgive you for every bad time you ever have and any bad times you may have in the future.

With that I would like to tell you, Andrea, that you have overcome so many obstacles in your life, enough to make you quit, but you continue to fight, and I admire you for that. Nothing has been able to smother out the fire you have burning inside always follow your heart and your gut because you know they always lead you in the right direction. Continue the path that you are on even though at this moment you are in a tough spot, do not let that discourage you from what you know you can be. I love you and thank you for being who you are, flaws and all.

 

 

 

3 thoughts on “Note to Self: I Forgive You

  1. This is an absolutely outstanding and beautiful piece! All professionally speaking, this is the type of piece that makes a name for a writer, journalist. The type of piece that should be in a newspaper or some type of empowerment magazine. It should spark conversation and help others like yourself to be able to reach a point in life where they can look at themselves from the outside, in this type of light. It makes me think of people in the world looking for ‘enlightenment’ similar to what Buddhists look for. This to me is a step, more of a high notch, to any type of enlightenment for the human soul. Amazing piece Andrea…

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  2. While reading your letter I felt like I was reading myself word for word. I am in the process of forgiving myself as well. The one that stuck out to me the most was being an empty vessel. That hit home extremely hard… I was just writing to myself about that two days ago. I want to forgive myself for feeling I was undeserving. I forgive myself for thinking I was designed to fail. I forgive myself for the 10 year masquerade I put on to simply exist. I am grateful for my resilience and growing faith in myself. Thank you for this piece.

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    1. Thank you for sharing Kendra. We all have things we want to forgive ourselves for and writing them down is a great was to start. Make sure you read the list as often as possible so you don’t forget to forgive yourself!

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